Archive for October 17th, 2010

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of her life.  I always find that to be such a strange expression ‘today is the first day of the rest of my life; your life; her life; his life’……… What does it mean exactly?  Isn’t every day the first day of the rest of your life?

Yesterday someone; a very special someone woke up on the day that was to be the first day of the rest of her life….she had closed a door behind her the day before and that stage of her life was no more. All that’s left is the pain of seperation.

It’s a strange thing; seperation… it’s like a little death really.  In life we go through many seperations, a child starting school for the first time feels the pain of seperating from it’s Mother and very often the Mother feels the pain too, or the loss of a pet, a grandparent leaving this life, a teenager breaking up with their first love, leaving school, quitting a job and so many other situations of seperation.

You move on from something that is familiar, maybe comfortable, possibly not.  Sometimes seperation is forced on you, and sometimes you initiate that seperation yourself.  And if you do, is it any less painful?

A few months ago, my daughter made and took what was a momentous decision in her life, not a unique decision by any means, but certainly unique to her.  After 4 years and and 2 months of marriage she made the decision to move on from a situation that was causing her a great deal of pain, becoming stifling and had changed her personality from one of bubbly and outgoing, to sad and introspective.

And although seperation is not unique, and marriages break up all the time, this seperation was the death of her dreams; the dreams she had on the day she got married – the children she had envisaged, the home she thought they would have, the experiences they would share, the places they would go and the prospect of growing old with the man she loved; all died on that day.

The pain of that seperation has been great.  The decision to make the move was a tremendous strain and the actual day of moving was traumatic.  And although she knows and knew at the time that the decision was the right one, still the pain it caused herself and her husband has had a heavy toll.  The ripples of seperation linger on.

And when a marriage breaks up, what of the other people involved?  The families of the couple – people you will never see again, the grandchildren that will now not be, the pain of a mother watching her child hurting and feeling helpless in the face of that pain, trying to find the right words, wishing to take it on herself and spare her child, yet knowing that it’s not possible, so trying to just be there and pray that with the fullness of time it will ease.

And it does, the pain of seperation eases, sometimes it take a while, maybe months, perhaps years, and yet as life goes on and new experiences occur, the pain eventually becomes a dull ache and then one day you notice it’s gone, the phone calls become positive again, the tears are less and as the pain of seperation begins to lessen, the bubbly person you once knew slowly starts to resurface, the self-confidence begins to return and then……

…..with the fullness of time a new door opens, a new love, new experiences, new dreams and so that day becomes the first day of the rest of your life.

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