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Saw this in a magazine the other day: it’s cute, so decided to share it with you:

Cycling burns 555 calories an hour, and pedalling your bike for just 20 miles a week is enough to reduce your risk of heart disease to less than half.

Hup, two, three, four, stomachs in and touch the floor!  According to recent reports, one in 3 of us will be obese by the time of the 2012 Olympics, and that’s not a good place to be.   So it make sense to arm every couch potato with a timely reprint of “Exercises for Gentlemen: 50 Exercises to do with your suit on” First published in 1900, the “practical course in physical culture was designed to keep chaps in tip-top condition, especially those with ‘no inclination to disrobe’.  Anova £6.99

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good things are worth repeating 🙂

Memory was something that you lost with age!

An application was for employment!

A program was a TV show!

A cursor used profanity!

A keyboard was a piano!

A web was a spider’s home!

A virus was the flu!

A CD was a bank account!

A hard drive was a long trip on the road!

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived!

And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…..

….you just hoped nobody found out!

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Prepare yourself for fame.  We’ve all tried to imagine what it would be like to be famous.  Going to the shops in a chauffeur-driven limo, treated like royalty and waited on hand and foot.  These days, being a celebrity is a job in itself – it can happen to almost anyone and some people are truly awful at it.   So don’t be negative about your ambitions to be rich and famous – just make sure that when you get there, you know how to behave and not make a fool of yourself.

When you are famous and you’re walking down the red carpet at a film premier and people are screaming at you for an autograph, you should have your signature practised to perfection. Make it suitable flamboyant and never refuse to give it to someone.   Practise your superstar walk too!

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I was looking for a recipe for mulled wine and found this on Yahoo. I was expecting to open a link direct to a recipe; I found this instead.

It made for entertaining reading and there are some great recipes too 🙂

I have listed some of the comments below; unedited:

a. simple-buy a bottle of german gluhwein add fruit and spices and off you go

b. Go to a German Christmas market, (they are in a lot of UK cities) buy a bag of mulled wine herbal mix (about £3) and follow instructions. Takes 15 minutes. Easy!

c. you can get mulling spices at most supermarkets this time of year
just put them in the wine, poof

d. Currently, as I have it in the cupboard, I open red wine, put it in a pan, and pour mulling syrup into it.  If I didn’t have this then it depends what I have in.  It always contains Red Wine, cinnamon stick, cloves, honey and nutmeg.
If I have them I will stud the cloves into either a tangering/satsuma/orange or an apple.   sometimes I also add lemon/ornage zest & juice.
Mulled wine is such a varied thing that having a set recipe is pointless, just warm the wine witht he spices and add things if you think it will improve it.

e. Mug a homeless wino as they are they only people who can get real mulled wine, no one knows where it comes from.

f. GO TO YOUR NEAREST SUPERMARKET BUY A BOTTLE,,,IT’S CHEAPER THAN YOU CAN MAKE IT AND QUICKER,,, OPEN IT DRINK IT AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE THEN YOU WONT WORRY WHAT IT TASTES LIKE,,, ,,, THE 3RD GLASS MAKES IT TASTE FANTASTIC,,, JUST DONT FART BEFORE THEN,,, LOL

g. If you buy decent wine in the first place you won’t have to try and disguise it

and then a real recipe:

1. For fantastic mulled wine. 2 bottles good wine, ginger , star aniseed, cloves , fresh large wedges of orange and lemon, cinamon stick & sugar.
wonderful drink.
2 bottles wine, 1 bottle water, 1 small cup brown sugar or honey, 1 orange & 1 lemon cut into wedges, 4/5 star aniseed, several cloves stuck into the orange, 1 cinamon stick and grated peeled fresh ginger. Heat gently, don’t boil.  Thats it, Fantastic

and finally:

2. 4 cups apple cider
1 (750-ml) bottle red wine, such as Cabernet Sauvignon
1/4 cup honey
2 cinnamon sticks
1 orange, zested and juiced
4 whole cloves
3 star anise
4 oranges, peeled, for garnish
Directions
Combine the cider, wine, honey, cinnamon sticks, zest, juice, cloves and star anise in a large saucepan, bring to a boil and simmer over low heat for 10 minutes. Pour into mugs, add an orange peel to each and serve.

and happy holidays. After that I would not be surprised if you have a head-ache 🙂

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Walking in a winter wonderland – 18.12.09 Snow in Hove  🙂

How absolutely marvellous life is! I woke up this morning to a wonderful world of white, white glorious snow.

early morning snow; Hove 18.12.09

a winter wonderland

Although it had started snowing last night before I went to bed, I did not expect to wake up this morning to such an amazing spectacle.   The snow is at least 6 inches deep in places and since it has not snowed in Hove for many, many years, this is a treat beyond words.

I was feeling somewhat envious of the snow my daughter was enjoying in London, and to experience it here too, is just marvellous.

Looking out my window just after 7am, although it was still gloomily dark, the houses across the way were faintly visible, their roofs and balconies dressed in sparkling white.   The cars lining the street, hunched and slumbering beneath their shrouds waited patiently for impatient owners to free them.

cars shrouded with snow


Dressing as quickly as I could, what with having to pull on 5 layers of items, I hurried down to greet the morning!   The snow lay thick and crunchy underfoot as I ran and jumped up and down pristine driveways and through the piles on the sidewalk; as yet unsullied (till now) 🙂

footprints in pristine snow 🙂

A jolly snowman, arms uplifted with joy, smiled widely as I walked on by.

happy snowman

The naked trees dressed in this winter finery, glittered and glowed, their branches spread wide to the world, piled high with this fine powdery dusting.

swathes of snow cover lawns yesterday green

trees dressed in winter finery

Lawns, just yesterday green, now an expanse of diamond sparkles.   The houses look magnificent, covered in this lovely snow, lights behind curtains adding a cosy atmosphere.

picture postcard perfect

Overhead the sky glowers dark and grey, everywhere the call of the seagulls, confused and bewildered, the genetic coding of this generation not set for snow.   Under bushes and trees, branches low and laden are tiny footprints of early risers.  Unsure today if they’ll get that worm!

snow laden branches

A lonely park-bench waits, no one there now to pass the time of day!

red postbox crowned with snow

A bright red post-box crowned with snow, a little red scooter nearby vies for attention,

a little red scooter

and no one notices the forgotten clothes left out, unwanted three days ago.   As the hour passes by, the sky starts lightening now, a dusty pink tinges the clouds as the sun beats down forcing a break in the heavy mass.

People trudge by on their awkward way, slipping and sliding through icy patches, hoping possibly in vain for transport to their destinations.

trudging to work

Some grumpy, some happy, some smiling, some gay, some building snowmen observed via video link by family far, far away.

fun in the snow - building a snowman

Stop to chat awhile, enjoy the magic it’ll be gone soon and life goes back to grey.

The roads already turned slushy, dark brown and muddy, the dirt and grit from over the months all churned up and hindering progress. 

snow churned up along the road

Unexpectedly warm out, the snow is crunchy underfoot, slippery patches hidden below, catching you unawares.   Now the sun comes out and the sound of melting is heard all about, drip, drip, drip as it slowly gives in to the warming rays.

the sun shines through

Today it snowed! Hooray. 

Me! 🙂 18.12.09 snow in Hove

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“Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes”  Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

YAHOO, YIPPEEEEE, WHOO HOO, HOORAY AND ABSOLUTELY BLUDY FABULOUS!!!! I woke up this morning to a wonderful, magical, beautiful world of white!!!! Yes!!!! yes!!! yes!!! it SNOWED!!!! last night
ah ha you might say “It has snowed before, so what’s with the excitement then?” Well it hasn’t snowed in HOVE for donkey’s years and I certainly was not expecting it to snow now. London yes, I already knew, since my delightful daughter phoned via vieo link last night to show me her antics in the park

IT IS INCHES thick on the ground. It looks wonderful.  I cant wait to get out in it. thankfully I have to go shopping today so I have an excuse to get out!!! Hooray.  and it is still coming down.  I bet the seagulls are totally confused. Their genetic model of the world does not include snow. poor
So hey! guess what it’s SNOWING!!!!! i do believe that no matter how long in the tooth i get, or how many years i clock up i will NEVER EVER NEVER get tired of seeing the snow and not get excited when it does. it is MAGICAL!!!! x 1million.
so to the three ladies who headed south….come back!!!! your’e missing it all

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sourced from The Dailt Telegraph 02.02.09 by Harry Wallop – Consumer Affairs Editor:

Those who do not enjoy Christmas pudding can now decline the stodgy dish smug in the knowledge that they are helping the planet!

The festive dessert is not just bad for your waistline, it is contributing to global warming, according to a government-funded report by Natural England that is intended to educate consumers about where their food comes from.

While pudding’s key ingredients, egga and flour, usually come from Britain, the spices; sultanas, raisins, candied peel and brown sugar will all be imported.

As alternatives, the booklet suggests finishing off Christmas lunch with home-made vanilla ice-cream to cut down on food miles, or Kentish cobnuts, a type of home-grown hazelnut! – end of article

What a load of codswallop! Firstly, this gives a pretty good idea of why our taxes are so high – funding this type of research.  Secondly, these puddings are eaten once a year, and what about the money spent on all the resources to create the report.  Thirdly, why not just ban the import of these spices for once and for all and get it over with, in fact – ban anything that comes from overseas!  Fourthly, did they miss that vanilla is also a spice? and they recommend vanilla ice-cream for dessert! And finally, the best way to cut down on Co2 emissions and carbon-footprinting is to send all the eejits who waste time, money and our precious air into space as crash-test dummies for another planet.

It’s CHRISTMAS pudding!!!! duh, it comes around once a year and millions of people use spices in their cooking everyday.  I could probably  say a lot more on this idiot subject, except my blood-pressure is going up as I write and that won’t be good for my planet! 🙂

and a final comment! Does anybody actually read these gazillion reports that the government are so fond of producing?   Evidently they have too many people who have nothing much to do!

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Note for pet owners.  The following information is to be read with a sense of humour!  This article is purely a bit of fun. We are confident lots of cat’s owners will relate to the unfolding tale!

How to give a cat a pill!

1.         Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.   Position right forefinger and thumb one either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.   As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.   Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2.            Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.   Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.            Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4.         Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.  Prize jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

5.            Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.  Call spouse/partner from garden.

6.         Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse/partner to hold head firmly with one hand while placing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7.            Retrieve cat from curtain rail.  Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set ti one side for gluing later.

8.         Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse/partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.  Put pill in end of drinking straw, prize mouth one with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9.         Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink beer to take taste away.  Apply Band-id to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.            Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed.  Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.  Prize mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11.        Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.  Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink.  Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whisky to compress to check to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.  Throw blooded T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12.        Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across road.  Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.  Take last pill from foil wrap.

13.        Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.  Hold head vertically and pour 4 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

14. Consume remainder of Scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to Accident & Emergency Dept., sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.  Arrange fro RSPCA to collect cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

How to give a dog a pill

1.         Wrap something to eat around it.

 



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Something arbitrary:

If there is one date that nearly everyone in England knows, it is 1066 when the Normas invaded England.   William the Conqueror became King when he invaded the country after Edward the Confessor died.

Edward was King of England but he wasn’t like most rulers of the time; he was a peace-loving man of God who put all of his energies into building churches.   His most famous church was Westminster Abbey.

It was built on marshy land by the River Thames in London, and it was Edward’s chief delight to watch the building grow.   When he died he was buried in his new church – as lots of kings and queens and famous people have been in the centuries which followed.

Lots of rulers have nick-names: Edward 1 was the Hammer of the Scots; Richard 1 was the Lion-Heart; all very warlike.   But Edward was called the Confessor because of the way he lived his life witnessing to his belief in Christ.

So each year on 13th October we remember the King who was a saint.

Nicknames or not?

All of these are nicknames of real rulers from the past:

Charles the Bald; Eric Bloodaxe; Ivailo the Cabbage; Boleslaw the Curly; Pippin the Short; Niall of the Nine Hostages; Ragnar Hairy Britches; Louis the Stammerer and there was a Viking king of Dublin called Glun the Iron Knee – but I don’t think he was into recycling!

sourced from Coleman’s Hatch cronicle for October.

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This is really funny, and cosidering that I have just come back from a holiday in Scotland, I thought it was appropriate to blog this:

Hardy Folk

40 degrees F – Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland strip down to their vests and sunbathe
35 degrees F – Italian cars won’t start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees F – Folk in Florida wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a long-sleeved T-shirt.
15 degrees F – Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming in the North Sea.
Zero degrees – New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Scotland have the last BBQ before it gets cold.
10 degrees below zero – In Miami, mortality rate due to exposure rockets. People in Scotland enjoy an ice cream.
20 degrees below zero – Californians fly away to Mexico for a holiday. People in Scotland relent and throw on a light jacket.
80 degrees below zero – Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone” Winter Survival” classes because it’s not cold enough.
100 degrees below zero – Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland pull down the ear flaps on their balaclavas.
173 degrees below zero – Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland get frustrated when they can’t defrost their porridge.
297 degrees below zero – Microbial life start to disappear. Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 degrees below zero – ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying “Here it’s chilly, you cauld an aw?”
500 degrees below zero – Hell freezes over. PEOPLE IN SCOTLAND START TO SUPPORT ENGLAND IN THE WORLD CUP!

sourced from this site!

 

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