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Archive for August, 2016

I’ve just signed a petition on Care2; ‘Stand with women working to end gender-based violence‘.

The petition calls on the UK Government to fund the women’s groups working towards ending violence against women, and as such resonates with me and my past. They mention that one in three girls and women suffer violence in their lives. I think it’s higher than that, but I’ll take their word for it. It’s vitally important that this issue is faced head on and that Government, and us, takes the opportunities offered to make a difference.

I am one of those three girls and my mother was one of those three women….my sisters to a lesser and in some instances greater extent, were also one of those girls. We lived with extreme violence for much of our growing up lives; emotional, physical, mental and yes, even sexual violence, much of it directed at my Mother who eventually caved in under the onslaught….yes, she died. Aged 52. I know the official verdict was stroke, but I feel it was despair. She ate too much, she drank too much, she smoked too much, she lived under some of the most dire circumstances (in all three of her marriages)….and all of those combined to kill her….and what the coroner didn’t say was that all these too much ofs that she partook of were caused by stress and despair and pressure.

I don’t consider myself a victim, although in my younger years I felt victimised. I’ve grown up, I’ve become tougher.

But the scars remain. Those same scars affected how I raised my daughter and that affects her still today.  I won’t ever say I hate men, coz I don’t, on the contrary. However, my language right through my adult life and through my daughter’s growing up years has been negative; urgh men!! You can’t trust a man. Never trust a man. Well what can you expect; he’s a man!! – you get the idea….I never realised how powerful those messages were to a young brain growing up, and now it’s too late….the dye has been set and she finds it really difficult to form a lasting attachment or relationship. I set the boat on the water and I tore down the sails.

My sisters and I have all grown up to be tough, strong women, proud of who we have become. We don’t cave in. We don’t suffer fools. We don’t, with the exception of my younger sister (from my Mother’s side – 3rd marriage), have successful relationships with men. They are always fraught with anxiety, frustration, angst and determination to not be ‘the weaker sex’. I gave up on relationships 13 years ago. I can’t be who I become when I’m in a relationship.

There is an inordinate amount of violence towards women. Culturally (and I’m talking about world-wide culture in all ethnic groups bar a few). We, (and yes even in our enlightened Western culture) have been raised to believe that women are ‘the weaker sex’, of lesser importance (see the ongoing debate about salaries and managerial positions). If you look at many cultures today they are still fiercely Patriarchal. Women are refused entry to, kept out of, stopped from doing, have to ask permission of, cannot marry freely, are repressed and vilified, their natural cycles considered bad, disgusting, and a reason for being kept behind closed doors; being forced to stay behind closed doors is a more reasonable assumption. My first marriage rendered me unable to even open a Bank Account without my husbands a) permission b) signature and that was in 1972.

So that said, and oh I have SO much more to say, especially with this recent humiliation and repression of a Muslim woman in France, I ask you to please sign the petition. Thank you.

If however, you feel you don’t want to sign the petition, then please step-up, become an advocate for women, look out for signs of violence…those bruised eyes, the broken arms, the cowered down-cast expression, the sudden withdrawal from society, and if you see it…do take action. It could be within your own family. It was within ours. And no-one stepped up.

 

 

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Yes, I admit it…..I am a full-on, no holds barred, well-versed and dedicated procrastinator!!

Hi, my name is Cindy. I am a procrastinator….. There I’ve said it…..

So you know how it goes (those of you who suffer the same predicament), tomorrow is always another day…I have been meaning to buy a 2nd external hard-drive for months now. My daughter is constantly urging me to do a back-up…in the cloud? Hmmm, not sure I trust ‘the cloud’….what with hackers and all.

So the long and the short of it is, I haven’t yet bought that 2nd hard-drive…always finding something else to do (I don’t buy much stuff these days), my money is rather saved or spent on experiences…like the Herne Bay Airshow, or a visit to Canterbury or paying HMRC Customs a hefty chunk of £££££’s for the privilege of shipping my belongings from SA to the UK and such like. So there is always a reason why I haven’t yet bought one.

And yesterday my pigeons came home to roost.

I dropped my external hard-drive.

IMG-20150214-WA0005

Not Just a Granny having a tantrum!!!

So, initially I went ice-cold. My body went into shock. My mind started whirling. Too terrified too cry, the tears had dried up in horror!!

Then the enormity of what had happened hit me and I made a frantic call to my computer guy…HELP!!!!! Does this mean I’ve lost all my photos ( 10 years worth at least, if not more) all my spreadsheets, documents, downloads, e-books…etc etc…in short…my life is on that little black plastic box meant to be safe and secure and shock-proof in it’s little black shock-proof casing!!! I felt like throwing up!

At my computer man’s suggestion, I ejected the hard-drive (done that…no t-shirt), and try again….nope, the screen is still telling me that I have used 0 data…..oh the sheer horror of seeing a great big (it seems enormous) fat 0 data used staring back at me….especially as I know full well that wasn’t the case (no pun intended) 5 seconds before I dropped it.

Of course, I have subsequently been asked ‘don’t you have a back-up?’ – Uhmm, yes, that was my back-up…… I had recently moved ALL the files and folders from my computer to the hard-drive as the computer is about 4 years old and sends me nasty messages occasionally! – or – Don’t you save your documents etc to ‘the cloud’…again Uhmm no! Buy hey…..I WAS going to be buying a 2nd external hard-drive to save copies of everything on to…next month! I just hadn’t gotten ’roundtoit’ Like that helps now doesn’t it?? Procrastinator!!!

The irony is that I was in the process of copying photos off my phone from a recent trip to Canterbury to celebrate my daughter’s birthday ( I had only got as far as copying them) when I leaned forward to pick up my phone to send my niece (currently a tourist in London) a message…and knocked the bloody hard-drive onto the floor. Not from a very large height either I might add…no more than 3 inches, but it seems it was enough…to render the data to 0!!!

Anyway, an appointment has been made to see my computer guy next month (next week!!) and hopefully he can indeed retrieve the data as he suspects he may well be able to do. If not, then I will have to have it looked at by professionals…and apparently that can cost upward of £700!!! which brings me to my next ‘issue’….the bloody Universe. I swear it’s determined to keep me poor to my dying day. Just when I think I have worked hard enough, taken on extra work to start saving, something crops up to drain my bank account.

So the long and the short of it (and expense) is…..if you too suffer from procrastination…get help!! aldwych-station-tour-2013-16

It’s a bastard, it costs money and it bites you in the bum when you least expect it! Grrrrr.

Oh! and in’future’ I will do today, what needs to be done today….after all, today is yesterday’s tomorrow.  It would do me well to remember that. *squinty eye picture* if I had one. LOL

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